Letters to the Editor

Dear Sirs,

Those of us at the Society for the Preservation of corresponding arts are very happy that you are going to continue publishing letters! We are so excited that we almost wet our dungarees, which would have been embarrassing. Like picking up a tea sandwich and dropping a big glob of oleo on your slacks, or tripping on macadam and scraping your knee and not having any iodine to clean it, or asking the milkman to leave the receipt in the letterbox, or… well… you get the idea.

Sincerely,

The Society for the Preservation of Corresponding Arts

Dear Sirs and Ma’ams,

If we are going to take a trip back in time to answer letters, can we go back to the time when having gay sex in boarding school was just a game of “grab ass” and not some kind of identity clusterfuck?

Sincerely,

Richard, a guy who played grab ass in boarding school

Dear Sirs, Ma’ams, Sirmams, and Mamsirs,

Yea, when can we get back to the place where sucking a dick was just sucking a dick?

Sincerely,

A guy who sucks dick (and no, not the Dick above)

Dear Oppressors,