My Monthly $5 Rant

My Green Eye Is a Red Eye

None of these people are your friends, Medium. Photo by Phil Coffman on Unsplash

I meditate. I try to stay present. I am “aware” of the fact that most of the anxiety and distress in my life stems from the irrational belief that things should “be different” than they are. When I stand on line at the deli counter I mock my own thinking by using an overtone to say to myself, “There shouldn’t be this many people buying cold cuts on a Thursday” or “that kid should be more skilled at slicing meat than they are.”

I tell you this to preempt the inevitable comment, “Medium isn’t what you want it to be? Get over it.”

First, my interior judges have already said that many times. If you wanted to say that to me, you’re going to have to get in line. Just so you know, you’re behind the ghost of my mother, my childhood priest, and the “cool, smart girl” from middle school. Second, I’M NOT GETTING OVER IT. I PAY FIVE BUCKS A MONTH FOR THE LICENSE TO KVETCH ABOUT MEDIUM AND I’M GOING TO GET MY MONEY’S WORTH, MOTHERFUCKERS.

FYI, I did this last month. If you want to see the October edition, go here: